A moment of gratitude that has changed our attitude

Permit me to take a moment and explain just a few things in what will be a different type of post than I have done in the past.  When I first started these I thought of about 30 events that might be worth reporting most of which had intertwined, along with the event itself, a note of humor within them.  Although it might seem strange to use the dimension of humor right now, it is true that when anything like the present circumstances happen within a family, a sense of despair and sadness may be the only emotion that deserves mention.  At the same time much of the history of our lives have brought laughter and I just thought it might be right to talk about some of that now as well.  Deb says sometimes to visitors "let's not talk about cancer", so even though it is the main issue at hand I can first hand testify that the mind has to dwell in some other areas as well.  That is the attempt here along with some recording of these stories so that our grandchildren can know that grandpa and grandma had some interesting stuff happen to them and that their grandma was kind of a neat person.

You may have wondered in my last title "twist and turns that have some burns and learns" what was meant?  I think everyone can figure the twist part. The death of our newborn was for sure a twist of fate that we did not expect.  The burn part is about a feeling that comes over you when something like this happens. You just feel kind of cheated or as though you have been burned.  How about the "learn" part? Well, that is the part that I want to talk about in this post.

It seems to me that whenever a tough thing occurs, there comes with it a chance to learn some things and change some things. With the short term lives of our babies one learns firsthand the level of hurt that goes with that.  The response to similar things that happen to other people are done in a more meaningful way.  We have a nurse friend, Char Nash, who used to organize a service each year at Holland Hospital for parents who have experienced the loss of a newborn child.  Each year about 30-40 gathered at this service and a time of memory and loss is shared.   Deb is now a nurse on the Boven Birth Center and is able to care for people who have had this experience in a very different way than people who have not experienced it.  When we know of someone in the community who goes through this we do what we can to offer to help them.

On a level we could never have imagined, let me relay one more element of learning that has taken place.   It was about six weeks ago now that Deb started to feel some discomfort in her abdominal area.  As this started to increase we worked at moving up some standard medical appointments she had. On August 1 she had a morning ultrasound and by 1:00 PM of that day she was informed that some real problems were present.  3 days later, more test and deeper problems.  One week and one day later a surgery and a meeting with the surgeon that did not bring good news at all.  Then some glimmers of hope and some stories of people in the same situations who have lived.  But here is the real learning that has taken place.  In a time that could be truly dire, our friends and family have surrounded us and helped us.  As I write this,  Karen  is downstairs talking with Deb.  She has attended some of  the doctor meetings (she is a nurse) to help us discern what was said and help us determine the best course of action. I mention her name because she is downstairs now but so many have helped at a level that we could not have imagined before.  The risk of mentioning everyone leaves the possibility of leaving out someone so I am not going to do that now.  So what is the learning?

The learning has come by knowing how much it has meant to Deb and I as this has unfolded. Correspondingly, we hope if any one of our friends or family suffer tough times that we can in some way return the favor. We know now how much it means.  A card, a prayer, a visit, a flower, a meal, a gift, a memento or just about anything and everything that lets you know that somebody has taken the time to think of you has a meaning beyond what we could only  imagine before. For me this is the learning.  In the future my response to people is going to change because of it.  I must tell you a common emotion I previously had is that people need time to recover, leave them alone.  Might be true in the early days of a problem but it does not stay true for very long.

3 weeks ago I was just learning what a blog is.  I thank all of you who follow.  I want to return to the more normal stuff next time but I want to use this time to thank you all......By the way,  I do have one to tell next time about the birds and the bees..........but it is not what you might think......It was real birds and real bees.

Thanks again to everybody, even the readers of this that just want to read and hear a little bit about humor in a storm.............. 

Stan the Man