Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A nice life with a good wife!

As I come to the close of these writings I wanted to do one that is just a little different.  This one is going to kind of go all over the place but perhaps you can get the flavor of some fond and fun memories of some interesting times.  You might think this strange. But here it goes. I had one friend say they liked some of the stories about the Dutch days and this even has a little of that.

 About 25 years ago we moved from Lansing to Holland.  One of the nice things that happens on the drive from Lansing is that a little after you get past the Hudsonville exit you start coming down a hill and the next thing you see are the lights of Holland and Zeeland.  I am not sure why but for me this has always been kind of a special and welcoming view that happens on I-196.  Occasionally there is a cop parked on the downside of that hill but other than that it is a nice experience.

What I have done over the years as I make this drive is reflect on things.  It is my tradition to make this drive bring back memories. Here are a few.  I recall as a young kid going around the town of Pella, Iowa with my grandfather.  He was amazed upon our return from the Netherlands that we could speak the Dutch language.   He would take me around the town and when he would see one of his friends he would want me to demonstrate this skill.   Because the town had a tradition of Dutch heritage many of the people spoke enough of the Dutch language to be dangerous but it was kind of a mix between English and Dutch.  I think you might call it Yankee Dutch. When you are a little kid you are just not always sure how to act and what to say. It seemed a little annoying to me that I was being dragged around and asked to speak Dutch to everyone we  encountered. I soon learned that none of the people knew Dutch well enough to really know what I was saying.  After a couple of these forced conversations the third lady got something like this.  U hebt een veer in uw hoed en u vergat em het poeder vit de barsten in uw gesicht schoon te maken.   (You have a feather in your hat  and you forgot to clean the powder out of the cracks in your face.) I am not sure this lady understood this but I have worried about it now for about 50 years. She did say "Oh how cute" so I hope to this day she did not quite get it.

My Grandfather on my mothers side always had an interesting kind of logic. He directed several choirs and had some decent musical talent.  He would take my brother and I around with him when we were there and have us sit and listen to these practices.  At that time it was popular for some churches to locate the organ in the rear of the church and he did not like this.  He would always say that if God wanted the organ in the back of church he would have put our ears on our head the other way around.  He had this and a lot of other sayings like this and when you are a kid it kind of makes some sense.  He was worried about gun control but did not own a gun.  He somehow was worried that the Chinese were going to invade Pella and he was concerned that with gun control there would be nothing to defend the town.  He was worried about a parachute invasion.  On another front he was very kind.  If he would drive past a Dairy Queen and see a kid outside without an ice cream cone he would stop and buy him one.  I was always kind of fun to spend some time with him.  I still do kind of chuckle whenever I see an organ in the back of a church.

When Deb and I moved to Holland it still had some things that reminded me of Pella.  People would complain about the traffic and to us there was none.  The first night we moved here we were hungry and went to eat at the OBI.  We did not have much cash and the place, to our surprise, did not take credit cards.  The owner told us not to worry about it. Just take the bill home and the next time we came in pay him.  I recently had to have a knee replaced and still today the cafe of at Zeeland Hospital sometimes is not attended and you just leave your money on the counter near the register.  It has really been a wonderful place to raise a family.  People around here who have never lived in another place might not appreciate it to the full degree that we do.   But then again maybe they do.  At least they have never moved away.

Some years ago now the music director at our church came up with the idea of having a concert with four Grand Piano's.  I think Deb has never considered herself in the league with some of the other players who played that night but she worked on it for hours in our house and took her place at one of these instruments.  I think she was a little nervous but I was really proud that she dared to take this on and as that concert went on that night I let the music soak in to my soul.  Later she and Ross would play in our living room. Once in while Alden would play his horn and Mieke would sing.  In years gone by I would play (or try to play) my trombone with them.  In whatever direction the present issue of this cancer takes us, the memories of these moments will never fade. We did argue on more than one occasion.  Ross whould say "To you guys time is just a magazine".  We never went on the road. It  has always been a home full of music and I have Deb to thank for this.  It has been a good life and she has been a good wife.

I conclude now these writings.  But before that happens I want to thank some people.  I thank our friends who have taught us something about Christian love and concern. I thank our relatives who have both endured these stories and provided some of the material for many of them.  Also, their outpouring of support during these past months.  I thank  my own children who have expressed in a unique way their love for their mother in a way that is generally not done as meaningfully during normal times.  But most of all I thank Deb.  She has faced what she does now with a courage that is second to none.  She values life to such a high degree that she will do anything to have it continue. At the same time she has told me many times that she does not fear death.  She is a strong women and in whatever course this present event leads she is confident that the outcome will be one that she is able to endure. 36 years and counting and hoping for many more.

Ik genoot ervan u te schrijven en id wil u laten weten dat er zelfs in de stormen van het leven altijd enn beetje humor te vinden valt. Goede dag en moge God u allen zegenen. (I enjoyed writing to you and I want  you  to know that even in the storms of life you can always find a little humor.  Good day and may God bless you all.)

Stan the Man,  Next time a few pictures and then on to something else. I will keep you posted.................
Thanks for reading!!!!!!!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Eureka, here is one about Mieke

This is the 27th Post since I started these.  Turns out there is some sibling rivalry going on.  Each one of the kids has told me that if I write about them to make sure it is better than the last one.  Lots of blogging pressure for me.  I am going to finish them at the  30th post. I am thinking about doing some more writing after that, on another subject.  Truth is I have enjoyed doing these things.  I am somehow going to copy them and keep them in a binder for our family and someday somebody might get them out and enjoy some of the stories.

Before I get to Mieke allow me to tell about a sad event that happened in between Alden and Mieke. In earlier writing, I talked about the events surrounding the birth and deaths of our first two babies.  But now there was a test they could during the pregnancy do to determine if the baby could survive.  We had decided to try again. Somehow at an earlier point we pictured raising 3 children.  So it was with anxious anticipation that Deb and I traveled to the doctors office to get the ultrasound that would determine the outcome. You can kind of tell in the room when the technicians are doing the test what is happening. In this case things got real silent. I think they save the news for the doctor to give you but things here did not look good right from the start.   We were told that because of our history with 2 other children with the same condition any children with the same condition had no chance to survive. It was decided at the 4 1/2 month point to induce labor and end the pregnancy.  There were two memorable events with this.  The body is not ready to go in to labor and the drugs they use are strong.  At one point I became very worried. Debs temperature was very high and I will tell you of all the events she has had to endure this one was the very hardest. I remember it taking about 6 hours and at one point I was worried she might not survive.  Soon after the baby was born they allowed me to hold the baby which fit neatly in the palm of my hand.  It was amazing to me how developed the fetus is at this point.  No movement and no life  but still a part of a creation process that is truly amazing.  We named the baby Grant and donated his body to U of M for medical study.  In the same cemetery that we used for the others there is a nice board with a large number of plaques listing names of  similar circumstance births.  On that plaque is the name of Grant Hoksbergen.  I will tell you that when events like this happen you do not always know what to do but you feel you must do something.  Every 4-5 years as we are traveling by that area we stop and find the graves and this plaque.  The tears are gone now but the memory of these days will never go away. As I report these things it seems like just yesterday.  I do think when you endure events such as this it makes one more thankful when things go well.

About 2 years later we found ourselves at about the 4th month point of Deb's final pregnancy.  The test were done, we knew it was a girl and that she was OK.  Somehow Deb and I were watching the Indy 500. We are not  racing fans so I have no idea why we were watching.  It always seems to me that watching a couple of hours of left hand turns gets a little old. The guy who was winning was named Arie Luyendyke. He was from the Netherlands and had never won before.  The ABC camera was watching him go around the track and as the end was getting close they would show his wife holding a clipboard and writing down his lap count and position.  Her name was Mieke.  I had never heard the name before but I asked Deb how she liked it.  The name grew on us.  Shortly thereafter I saw in the paper a picture of a Zeeland girl by the name of Mieke.  I called that girl and asked her if she liked her name and she said she did.  Mieke it was. She hung around in the womb for several more months and then on November 13 was born in what the easiest and least stressful of all of our birth events (at least for me).    Now the job of raising two boys and a girl.  I know it does not work out this way for all families and I am sensitive to this. At the same time we are thankful for this mix and might I say thankful for a special relationship that Deb and Mieke have always had.

In the early days of Mieke's history it started to become apparent that a passion for two things were surfacing.  First was a strong like for crafts.  Anything that had to do with beads, boards, strings, ornaments, decorations and the like, started to appear in any area we would give her in the home.  With this a strong love for the Christmas season. Sometimes it all got a little hard to keep track of as one project after another was somewhere in mid-stream.  And then in the later years as a teenager a strong love for children. We had a girl in our neighborhood that babysat for Mieke in the early years. Her name was Leah  and I think Mieke learned this art from her.  Mieke stays real busy. She is now in her last year of an education major at Hope and has a real passion for teaching.  She seems to never tire of being with children and when they are with her I think they all learn something.  The other day she was busy with many things and I offered to take care of one of her charges for a couple of hours.  He was a nice kid and wanted me to read for him some books.  I have always read to our kids and always made up a page right in the middle of the story and somehow put them in the story.  Our kids always liked this and after a while knew when this was going to happen.  I read for him several books. After a little while he looked at me and said "I just cannot figure out how I got in all of these books".  After a while he started catching on and I think he liked the pages he was in.  When he comes over now he wants a story. He is a cute little kid who now resides inside of some of the stories of the childrens books at our home. Just like all kids who come over.

You know this post about Mieke would not be complete without mentioning a couple of more things.  In the Bible is a verse about we becoming the "salt of the earth".  In this sense Mieke has always been salty to a higher degree than all other members of the family. She is always willing to verbalize her faith and is confident enough to introduce others to it in a very nice way.  She loves music and participates whenever she can in leadership of music at our church with both adults and children.  Whoever encounters her is going to find a person that has faith beyond what the average person is able to have.   Several years ago I attended a play she was in.  In that play was a guy that I could kind of sense had some of those same qualities.  He was playing a big dumb guy in that play but it turns out he is anything but that. Other than the fact that he is a Packer fan we have enjoyed the relationship they have had now for 3 1/5 years.   Can't wait for him to come over.  My guess is that this relationship will go forward and you could not find a couple of parents more happy about the whole thing. 

P.S.  I wrote this on Thursday morning and was going to post it sometime on Friday.  On Thursday night we were invited to Aaron's parents home and were sitting on their back porch.  Mieke and Aaron walked up and she had a nice engagement ring on her finger and they told us about their plans to become married.  Thinking about sometime next fall.  A couple of happy kids and 4 happy parents.  What a day!!!!!!

From sadness to gladness. I guess that this post is one of those......Whatever it is please know that the storms of life also bring with them some moments to be thankful and to realize that there can be some humor in the middle of it all..........Till next time........3 left.

Stan the Man

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Jungle football

The animals in the jungle were playing a game of football one day.  The game was going along pretty good except for one thing.  The alligator would flip the ball off of his tail and the giraffe would catch it in his mouth in the end zone.  The game was kind of being wrecked by the rhino.  Every time the other team would kick off the rhino would catch the ball on his horn and lumber down the field and none of the animals could take him down so he would score every time. It was just not a fair game.  The second half started and the alligator team kicked off and the rhino caught the ball and started to lumber down the field.  At the 50 yard line the rhino came down in a heap.  The refs helped the animals off the pile and at the bottom they found a centipede. He had a smile on his face and it was obvious he had made the tackle.  The monkey, who was the coach, asked the centipede where he had been the whole first half. He told the coach, " I was still tying my shoes" .

 Marlin Vis told this story before his first sermon he preached at our church. He has an amazing way of illustrating his sermons with a story that for me would make the sermon stick in my head. For me this was right up my alley.  He talked that morning about getting in the game.  He encouraged our congregation to not sit in the locker room and tie shoes but to get in the game of life and church and to start moving forward.

I think Marlin kind of thought of me as a strange duck.  He would occasionally ask me for an opinion on something and I would always ask him if he wanted to know something about how I really thought or if he wanted me to say something that would make him feel good.  I find this an interesting question for all of life.  I find that most people want to hear what will make them feel good and are not all that interested in the truth.  I have learned that many questions are always answered with yes.  Do you like  the way I look in this dress? Do you think these shoes match this outfit? Did you like the way I handled that meeting with our kids teacher?  Do you think I am right in the controversy we are having with our neighbor?  Yes, yes and more yes.  Sometimes no is the answer. Are you noticing that my face is getting more wrinkles?  Are you seeing that my hair is turning a little gray?  Do you think that so and so's relationship has more spark than ours?  No,  no and more no.  On some things the truth is not always the best option.  Ever been with someone who is brutally honest?  Most of them do not have many friends.  I have always thought that Fox news has an interesting version of the truth.  I never knew that the news they bring was meant to be taken all that seriously.  It seems to me to be a bit one sided and it has some venom mixed in with it. Always thought the truth is kind of far away when I watch the stuff they put out there.  But then again are any of us that different. The truth is always illusive.

With Marlin you could go to the truth but it would always take a few days for both of us to get over it.  I am not sure we ever saw eye to eye but I always loved the way he would illustrate his sermons.  He was a solid thinker and a true man of faith.  I do recall at one point I asked he and his wife Sally to come out on a boat we owned.  Our kids were still young and a couple of weeks previous we had been out.  While we were going out of the channel one time a huge yacht was coming in. One of the boys asked me why we had such a small boat in comparison.  I told the boys that the only reason anybody would need a boat so large is if they had a short..........  At this point I got a look from Deb that would kill  a normal man. I changed what I was going to say to thumb.  Sure enough when we went out with Marlin another one of these 56 footers came past us and one of my boys told Marlin that the guy that owned the thing must have a couple of short thumbs.  Marlin figured this out right away.  He told me he could see I was teaching my boys well in the ways of this world.

It was interesting that about eight weeks ago now that we had the post surgery meeting with the doctor who is handling Deb's case. He is around 60 and it seems to me he is a real pro.  When Deb had  her surgery which was expected to go 4 hours I kind of knew that when the call came in that they were done in 2 hours it might not be good news.  When he met with our family he came in the room and told us about the tough nature of the case.  We wanted to have something positive to grab on to but it did not work this way.  He just brought forward the facts and very frankly they were not good.  The next morning he came up to Deb's room and told us he had stopped by his office that morning and he had looked in the file of a case he had that was very similar.  He told Deb that case had taken place some years previous and the lady was still living.  He said "I thought about it last night and I did not have one thing positive to say to you guys but I wanted you to know about this case."   Then his assistant told us while they were explaining chemo procedure that we had just joined a club to which nobody wants to be a member.  I gotta tell ya now that this thing has been tough.  On the other hand we are starting to see some signs and learn of more and more people who have risen above the disease and are still on this side of the ground.  Deb is a real fighter and I will assure you that if it can be done, she will do it.

A lady crossed the border of one of the communist block countries every morning on a red motorcycle.  She was searched each morning. The saddlebags, the backpack, her pockets and purse were all searched.  She would return each night on a different crossing.  The guards were absolutely convinced she was smuggling something. Each day they would intensify the search and could find nothing.  After many months they were so exasperated that they offered to let her have immunity if she would just tell them what she was smuggling.  She looked them in the eye and told them it was easy.  She said she was smuggling motorcycles.

Marlin used this story to say that some things are so obvious and right in front of your eyes as it relates to the faith.  Everyone should be able to see them. He had a good sermon that day. What is in front of us right now are two facts. One is the fact that the disease Deb faces right now is serious. The other is that it can be overcome and we want to tell you all that we appreciate very much the expressions of love and support that you all have extended. We want to tell you now that the red motorcycle in our lives is the warmth and care that the people that surround us have shown.

Thanks to all.................Got a good post for next time......It is about a young lady by the name of Mieke.....And folks it will not be boring................Till then....

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Pastors, Presidents and Residents

One of the interesting things that has been with us all of our lives is the influence the  pastors of our churches have had on  us.  Let me in a moment talk about that.  First another observation.

I have always had  large interest in presidential politics.  I am not sure all that much changes from president to president.  Small percentage changes in unemployment, small shifts in the way foreign policy is handled, small shifts in the polls in the like/dislike approve/disapprove ratings. It seems to me that every president goes along pretty good for about a year and then people start to get mad about something. Ratings go down, news guys are quick to point out that "he is in trouble" and then when the next election comes everybody votes. It is usually close and the next guy comes in with all the new ideas and the machine goes down the road at about the same speed and looks about the same coming and going.  I am thinking that the machine these guys are driving is perhaps a little bigger than they know how to steer.  Other than the fact that you get a nice airplane I often wonder who in their right mind would want that job?  Seems to me it is a head of gray hair waiting to happen.

Back to pastors. In contrast to presidents, pastors have a good chance of changing lives.  I know a little about this because I grew up in the home of a pastor.  At that time pastors did not have large staffs.  Nowadays most of these churches have a pastor for about everything.  Preaching, youth, caring, music, administration, addiction and evangelism, campus etc. are all covered by another pastor.  When my dad started, one guy did it all.  When you are a kid in one of these pastor homes you learn some things. By the nature of the calls that come in you can hear enough to know that we live in a world that has a broken dimension to it. It seems to me that one of the other problems with pastoring is that when you decide to become a pastor you are going in to a field where the problem resolution can be very difficult.  Another thing is that every 7 days you find yourself in front of a large group trying to explain something that really does not have a definitive explanation.  Plus you always have a nut or two (or more) in your audience that think they know a little more than you do about the subject.  I think my dad went to school for 8 years to learn how to do this job.  He took it all pretty seriously but at the same time had a good sense of humor.  He would once in a while get in a little trouble. On one Sunday morning we had a large sewer project going on right in the parking lot of the church.  On the way to church he wondered if he should say something about it.  The hole was about 30 feet deep.  So before church he did announce it.  He said "if a kid falls into that hole we will help the parents fish him out. If an adult falls in I want you to know that the Bible says  that you are not to drag your ox or your ass out of a hole on Sunday".  I think the point did  get across.

He and his dad (my grandfather) always kind of had an earthy dimension to them.  I am not sure it  fit precisely with a conforming  christian profile.  I have them to blame for a lifetime of using a little "salt" in my dialect.  That way I can transfer the sin.   I first learned the art of non-conformance when I was just a little kid.  When we would travel back to Pella my grandfather, Isaac, would take us fishing on some farm ponds in Iowa.  We would fish for bullheads.  I caught a nice fish who had swallowed the hook deep enough so that  nobody could get it out.  My Grandpa held that thing up and announced to us that the hook was so deep he could see it coming out of the rectum. He used a term for this this  that started with A and had two syllables.  Once the ice was broken on this term we learned a few more new words during the day. We could not wait to get home and tell Grandma the new vocabulary we had learned while fishing.  She cooked those fish for  dinner and after the opening prayer we thought it might be a good idea to tell her about all the new things we had learned that day. She would often speak in a broken Dutch especially when she did not think anybody else could understand.  She told him "u bent ouder in de kerk en nu hebt u uw gaat kleinkindren hebben die enkel als u spreken". (you are an elder in the church and now you are going to have grandchildren that talk just like you do.)  He kind of lowered his head in what I thought at first was a moment of shame.  Then out of the corner of his eye he winked his left eye at me.  There are some family moments you never forget.

When we moved to Holland we used the yellow pages and noticed that we had the choice of 52 CRC and/or RCA churches that we could choose from. It was a literal gold mine of liturgical livation.  I suggested to Deb that we go to one every week in one year and then pick one out.  At that time Deb would sit in our living room and play the piano. She did have a way of making religious music have a certain kind  of rock and swing to it .  As the tunes floated out the screen door  we saw a man  standing at our front door.  He was good looking guy that I thought could be a Mormon but there was only one of him.  He announced himself as a neighbor and noted that he had heard some music coming out of the home.  He said "I do not want to sound bold because I just met you guys but I could sure use some help from somebody who knows how to play the piano".  A slightly puzzled look came over Deb's face.  I think she was also thinking she might be in for a gig at the local Later Day Saints outfit.  He went on "my name is Dave Breen and I am the pastor of Beechwood Reformed and I need some help from a piano player that is willing to play with our children's choir".  Seeing my visits to 51 other churches disappear in front of my eyes Deb agreed to do this.  I said to Deb "are you nuts", we talked about this we were not going to get so involved the first week we are here.  Deb told me that she liked this guy. I mean who else would have the fortitude to do something like that 3 days after we move in.  Dave Breen just had this way with people and to this day our families have interacted with each other in a special way.  When Deb was diagnosed he was a huge help to us as he himself has had a battle with cancer over these past years.  From a pastor perspective he has served 2 large churches in between his tenure as our pastor.  I think he might read these so let me say thanks to both Dave and Linda. 

I think as pastors go so go the sons.  I think it is the required job of every pastors offspring to let their parents know that a little bit of the devil still does exist in the world.  Their young son went missing one day.  Many of the neighborhood people were involved in the search.  Hours later we found him in the backseat of their car and when he emerged I think his motivation was to engage in a large game of hide and seek with he the only one knowing we were playing.  I do recall the large relief when he was found and I do recall the scolding when things all came out.  I think Dave's sermon the following Sunday was on "Love and Justice". 

It was shortly thereafter that we had a teenager sitting on our front porch.  He spoke with an accent.  It turns out that he had signed out to be an Opare with a local family and for different reasons things were not working.  He asked if he could stay a night or two as he made arrangement's to go back to Denmark.

Deb and I talked this over and this guy also had kind of a likable quality to him.  His name was Morten.  We thought that if we paid him 50 bucks a week he could help us in the home and do some baby sitting.  We did have him do some of this but it kind of ended up that we gained some experience with teenagers and what we might expect in the future with our own children.  Let me just say that his domestic skills were not very well developed.  Deb left for work one morning and had carefully explained for him to put a tray of fish in the oven at 5.  She did not tell him to remove the cellophane.

The  fish that night had a slightly plastic flavor.   Deb had a bad day that day.  I do remember him apologizing to her for this.  I also recall Deb telling him that sorry was not good enough.  As we ate our fish dinner that night at Russ's I can only think of what Deb told him on the way home.  She told him that by the time he went back to Denmark she would teach him how to run a home.  The next day I was leaving for work.  I saw a car going down Ottawa Beech road in reverse.  It had no driver but it did have a kid in the passenger seat that looked very much like Alden.  Morten had stopped at the local gas station and had forgotten to put the car in park before entering the store to pay.  When he came out the car was gone.  Somehow this car  lodged up against a curb about a quarter mile down the street.   As we face the situation we do today this is one of the reasons I believe in miracles. Everybody was OK.

That night I talked more with Deb.  We talked  about how to best handle the situation.  Deb suggested that it might be a valuable experience for him to live with us for a year.  She used that year to love him like a son and train him in the ways of running a home.  Today he owns a couple of companies and I think is a multimillionaire.  He is married and does some of the cooking.  When he puts the fish in the oven he always remembers to garnish the edges and remove the cellophane.  He came back to visit us once and we still communicate via email.

When he was here we took him to church with us.  Dave Breen was preaching a sermon.  He made one of the points and he looked up in the balcony where we and Morten were sitting.  Morten had kind of stayed out late the night before, he was a little groggy. We had trouble getting him up that morning and were a little late.  Dave was talking about how a Christian family works.  He looked up in the balcony and stopped his sermon and he said "Morten, this goes for you too".  I am not sure Morton understood all of this back then.  I do know that Dave Breen has never given up on anybody.  Somewhere in the dictionary is the word evangelism and next to it a picture of the pastor who knocked on our door about 25 years ago.

I have a few more things on pastors for the next time......For now I am wondering how I got on all these topics in one post but I will let it stand with the idea that we all know there is a little humor in every storm...................Till next time...

Stan the Man