Twist and turns that have some burns and learns.

I am going to share in this writing a few moments of deep emotion and pain. I might go back a little later and pick up another Jackson story or 2.  My responsibilities at work had changed and found a need to move to Mason, Michigan.  My primary responsibility for my company was to sell tools to Oldsmobile and living closer to Lansing was important.. For some reason we bought a place out in the country on 5 acres and I will tell about that later as well. Seems like Deb and I are more city people and we had a few interesting things happen out there that might have within them some smiles, but for now a different direction. Oh yes, and did I mention that sometime during this transition and or shortly thereafter evidence presented itself that there might be more than 2 of us in the house.

I think my job was going pretty well at that time and we had a little money in the till.  We drove down to Kalamazoo and went to a place called the Emporium with some of the neater antiques I had ever seen.  We spotted a black walnut baby bed with hand carved wooden spindles and bought that thing for $750.  One of the largest splurge moves we had ever made.  Deb had set up the baby room in a way that we thought that crib in there would be worth it. As I think about it today I wonder if it would have passed regulations for safety, but people just did not think about that so much back then. At that time there was something called Lamaze class.  It was some kind of class that taught people who where pregnant to breath in a way that having a baby did not hurt as much. The husband would grab an ankle or something and create a pressure point and he would be the coach for the whole affair. I can recall being in a room with a bunch of other couples and practicing for this. I do recall thinking over and over that no matter how the breathing was done and how the husband held on to the ankles or wrist that this was a deal that was gong to hurt. It was lucky for me that Deb has a huge pain threshold and even when the big moment came she told me to go over and sit in the corner and let her have this baby.  She has born 6 children, not had one drug, not let out one scream and has done the whole thing like it might be in a book someplace.

Those of us that do not know us that well can do the math.  We have three children and 6 pregnancies. The sad part is that 2 of the babies died a short time after birth (about 3-4 hours) and the third pregnancy was taken at around the 5 month point due to the fact that test were available to determine that the outcome was assured. The condition is known as Potters Syndrome which is underdeveloped kidneys that are not able to sustain life. Turns out that genetically, 1 out of every 2 children we would have would have this condition and that is exactly how it has worked out.   Needless to say we were crushed and not totally prepared for this. I can recall that shortly after the birth of, Jason Brandon, things not looking right at all. The baby did cry a little but the look on the faces in the room and the rush to bring the babe to a different area had the look of trouble all the way.  It was just a short time that a doctor was in the hall with me telling me that we have a big problem here and it was a short time thereafter that a pediatrician informed me that there was no chance for life beyond a few hours.  One of the more touching events I have ever witnessed is that Deb did have the chance to hold this infant for about 1/2 hour while he was still living.  As breathing became more difficult I watched the baby pass away a short time later in an incubator.  You know I do not really intend to pull on the heartstrings here but this is how it did happen.  Life in this case was 4 hours.  To make sure I have this right I am reading a typewritten (before computers) report and it is just interesting how they did things then compared to now.  The result however remains the same. It is an infants kidneys that produce the amniotic fluid and the lack thereof caused some additional issues as it relates to the condition of the baby.  As I read this report now, lots of problems.

I am not sure we really knew what to do. I do recall Deb's Dad being out of the country. I recall a scratchy voice from a distant country in the days of old phones, telling me to call Pete LeBetz who was a Polish funeral home director in Jackson and also a friend of his.  The plan was to have Deb's Dad return and help us deal with all of the issues including a service of some sort.  I went to Lansing that night to tell my Mom and Dad what had happened.  Late that night I returned to Jackson and I rang the doorbell of that funeral home. It was late!

Pete answered the door and we sat down at his kitchen table.  I think that with infants this small, before they are prepared for burial, they are placed in a solution that helps preserve the body for the choice the parents might choose for burial.   He made a cup of instant coffee and eventually got around to asking me this question. He said, I have been waiting for my doorbell to ring because I thought you might come in here tonight. You want to see that baby, am I right? I told him that that is what I was there for.  He told me this, and I will never forget it.  He told me that I would be better off if I thought for the rest of life as my first son being a beautiful baby.  But that it would be a mistake if I asked him to see the baby now.  You know something?  Deb and I never saw that baby after he died, we do not have a picture and she was not able to attend the event of the burial of that baby. We are thankful that Deb's Mom and Dad did tenderly and lovingly hold and dress that little guy for the casket.   I will forever thank this man for handling this in this way.  My memories of Jason Brandon are good ones.  In his own way he put up a good fight

On the drive home I thought a little about life, it's upturns and downs. I wondered a little about the Catholic Nurse who told me that we needed to get a priest on the scene soon to help this babe pass to heaven. And then I thought of something strange. I thought about the odds of the scene repeating itself somewhere around the globe to a family that had not held to Christian background.  All of the questions related to humans destiny in situations like this. Interesting questions. Every once in while a get them out again and think about them. My hope is that someday I will somehow be reunited with these children that never had the chance to live for more than a very short time.


Will you please allow me the next time to share a little more about this. It kind of has a little more. I know it is sad but it is somehow important to me to report it.   Until then.............stay with me..... Thanks...


Stan the Man