Battle won when things are done

There are a few things about living in Detroit that you have to experience to actually know that living in there has some challenges.  In the winter they do not plow the roads of the residential streets. Parked cars are usually parked on both sides with no where else to go with the snow.  So if they get some snow and ice the streets become nearly impassible if it stays cold enough.  Another thing is that extra thought has to be given to walking or being out in the night. Parking your car (all street parking) can be an adventure as there are times when no spaces are available near your home.  I can be just hard work living in the city. 

Deb’s dad has always had an eye for properties that he could buy and then rent out. He is extremely handy and is not afraid to buy something a little run down or as they say,  a fixer up special.  He spotted one of these places in Grosse Pointe Park and offered to let us rent the downstairs for $150 buck a month if I would help him fix some of the stuff.  Now I do like writing, I like golfing, was a decent softball player, but in the area of handy I fall someplace in the D category.  Not totally worthless but almost there. He on the other hand is in the A group and at times this can be somewhat intimidating.  I think Deb has in general been happy over these years with many of the things I do know how to do but I might venture a touch frustrated with my skill and desire level in the plumb it, paint it, build it, redo it areas. I have my father in law to blame for this.

He shares with all of his children another attribute.  They all have the ability to finish a project no matter what time of night it might be.  So it is not unusual that quitting time can be 2 in the morning and I have seen it go to 4.  I can also recall finishing something at 4AM and seeing him be called to one his funeral homes for a late night duty, working the next entire day and them coming home to put the “second” coat on the following night.  I many ways I often think that Deb and her Dad work alike, think alike, and both are challenged by the same things.  No project is too large, and when they are finished it looks like it was done by a pro.  In this way they have a special understanding and a bond with each other.

I can only thank him and his wife now for all the help they have given us over the years. He is 80 now and gets a little frustrated that his energy level is not what it used to be.  He does now quit what he is working on around midnight and resumes the next morning.

On to other things next time……We bought a house in Jackson, Michigan and there might be a couple of fun stories in there somewhere……….

a-good-a story about a-young-a couple

We arrived back in Detroit and had rented a 2nd story flat right in the city.  I recall it was $200 per month which was the going rate for pretty good accommodations.  Living in Detroit, actually a few blocks out side of Grosse Pointe there were some decent places. A little older but pretty nice brick homes.  In a big city you soon become acclimated to being around people from all different cultures and the area that we lived in had many people of Greek descent.  Anybody who has ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" knows that the Greek culture  has within it people who operate with larger emotional expressions than just the average dude on the street.  It seemed that many years ago when the people immigrated to the area it was popular to build a home that had one family upstairs and one down. In doing so they would share the expenses of home ownership.  As time had gone by,  one of the owners would move as circumstances changed.  But still these were known as 2 family flats and they were the same up and downstairs but with no entrance to the other from the dwelling itself.

The owner of the place was a guy by the name of Nick.  He had a few friends that I encountered over the time and it did seem interesting that their first names were all Nick as well. So Nick and Helen, his wife, welcomed us the first day with a nice breakfast.  In Detroit, we encountered people of both Italian and Greek background.  You could tell the difference because the Italian accent included an   -a- after most words and the Greek included the -a-  both before and after most words.  So I remember Nick inviting us to breakfast some like this.  "You  a-look-a  alike-a  a-nice-a  couple and I  wan-a   a-have-a  a-you-a  and  you-a  a-nice-a  a-bride-a  see-a  a-how-a  good-a  a-cook-a   is-a  my-a  a-wife-a."  We sat down at their table in the lower flat and found out that the Greek eating traditions vary somewhat from what we were used to.  Each person at the table was served two eggs in a little stand up cup.  I thought it was good.  Hard boiled eggs,  but these were different.  They were in the shell but they were far from hard boiled.  In fact the yokes were barely white.  Nick proceded to knock a hole in the top of one of his eggs and poor the contents out on a piece of toast.  Deb and I kind of looked at each other and soon did the same.  We had never had raw eggs before and have never had them since.  Nick asked if we  a-need-a   a-more.  We politely declined and went on to moving in upstairs-a.  I said to Deb as we were working our way upstairs that my eggs had a noticeable a-peep-a.  As we were exposed to the of people that resided in that area we gained lots of experiences on how people from different cultures live.

The other interesting experience from that first day in the new place was that Deb wanted to cook for me a meal.  Those of you that know Deb, know that of all her attributes the love for cooking has never been one. I must say when she wishes she is one of the best. On this day she had decided to make a meatloaf dinner.  With the unfamiliar stove, the product of this endeavor had some unique features.  The inside tasted OK but the outside was stuck to the pan and the whole thing had the appearance which indicated that she might wish to pursue a career in nursing rather than culinary.  I was so hungry from moving all day that I asked her if we had been given, in addition to the many fine dining gifts from the wedding, a chisel and hammer.  I would eat the rest of it as long as the chisel was sharp.  I am not sure if this was the right thing to say as evidenced by a short exchange that took place regarding who was going to do the cooking in the future.

One other thing I remember is that hanging above our bed was a poster that someone had  hung on the wall.  It had a boy and girl in a bed about 3 years old, in their P.J.s, with a real  frustrated look.  The caption underneath indicated they were talking with each other and asking  "So what is so much fun about Sleeping Together?"  As we were moving that day we were not only exhausted but we had heard through the floor in the Greek vernacular.  Those  a-young-a  people up-a  there-a  make-a  a lot-a  a-noise-a.  So we retired at around midnight.  We slept real good that night and the only noise might have been snoring.

We lived there about 1and 1/2 years.  Learned a lot there but not as much as at the next place.  Will you allow me to tell you about that next time? Or maybe I will skip forward to some really interesting stuff..........

Thanks very much all you readers.  I am learning bunches about how kind people are.  I know these things are a little corny, but sometimes there is good nutrition in corn!!!!!!!!!.........................

Amazed by little things

In a day or so we had arrived in Florida and had booked at kind of a modern place.  The designs of that era did not have square or traditional looks.  Instead people thought it was cool to build buildings with octagon shapes with kind of crazy stuff hanging out of them.  I think George Jetson might have had something to do with these designs.  We have since returned to Disney and most all of this stuff is torn down and replaced now but then it all looked kind of modern. I am not sure it was all that practical. Much of Disney World was about the future and these ideas were all over the place.  We arrived around 2 in the afternoon. I can recall it like yesterday because they handed me a key to the room that was nothing more than a plastic card with a bunch of holes punched in it.  I remember making a special point of this as I showed Deb the modern key I was holding,  It was a warm afternoon, the sun was out and my new wife wanted to go swimming.

Every relationship must have its first big argument and once we were in this place we had one.  Deb came out of the bathroom with what had to be the smallest bikini I had ever laid eyes on even by today's standards.  I was worried that the State of Florida must have some sort of law banning this kind of thing. I had heard that the patrons of the Disney area were of a slightly more conservative demeanor and I was not interested in getting kicked out of the place before we even got to stay the night.  This thing was black with sort of a flame pattern and even the strings that held the thing together had the appearance that the slightest wind or interruption in climate could lead to an embarrassing moment. Trying to spare her a moment such this I asked if she had anything more conservative but she insisted  to stay with it and on down to the pool she went.

Now do you for one minute believe anything about that last paragraph?  Because it is nothing more than a pack of lies. I was concerned that these writings were getting a little boring and I just threw that in   Am I allowed to do that?  I will not do again as I am attempting to make this all as factual as I can.  We did go down to the pool in more conventional swimwear and enjoyed an afternoon in the Florida sun.

The next morning we were off to Disney. At that time they only had the Magic Kingdom.  The whole place was built on technology that was a little new to that day.  Monorails and little metal robots with fur arranged on them to look like a bear or something else just amazed the audience.  There was an attraction named the Great Bear Jamboree.   Deb and I waited more than an hour twice to see these figures move and sing.  All it was was a tape playing some hillbilly songs, a robot with a bear suit on that would move it's mouth to the song and once in a while nod his head.  I still cannot believe we stood there for two hours to see this.

Later we went to the GE pavilion and got on some thing that rotated around futuristic robotic displays.  In one they had a kid that had a phone that was not hooked to the wall.  I remember whispering to Deb,  "that will never happen".  Guess I was right about that one.  We did somehow manage to have a good time and have since been there with our children.  I am not really sure I care all that much for the place but I am amazed by the fact that the place can attract huge amounts of people with a fake mouse as the central character.

In a few days it was time to return home.  We had our first apartment rented and lots to look forward to.  On the ways down there Deb sat next to me in the car but I did notice on the way back she took her rightful side and joined the world of wifedom.  Once in while she would say something about me driving to fast.  I am not sure she is going to be all that happy about the above paragraph on the bikini either.  But that is the way it has always been around here and somehow life for us has been interesting.

Next something about our first dwelling place and couple of interesting landlords.........until then so long..  Thanks Dave W for the milkshakes......Anna also..

Comic books and different looks.

Before I start with this post let me first allow for a few simple edits. It has been pointed out to me that the spelling of Grosse Pointe is just the way I have just done it and it seems that earlier spelling did not include the e at the end.  It has also been pointed out the the song "Jeremiah is a Bullfrog" is not right. It is instead "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog."  Not that this makes much more sense, but my apologies for any errors in these areas.  No matter what it is called it makes no more sense to me.

Once a proposal of marriage has been offered in the Dutch culture it is needed to talk to the prospective brides father to ask for her hand in marriage.   I remember this event going fairly well.  He had a few questions but as nervous as I was I do remember being let of the hook fairly easy.  He suggested that he had always envisioned a wedding for his daughters at a facility in Grosse Pointe called the War Memorial.  I was not sure this sounded like all that good of a idea but I had driven by the place several times and a knew it was a nice place.  So it did not seem like very long and plans were being made for a wedding.  As most grooms of that day I am not sure there was that much I had to do with whole affair.  I do remember that the fashion of that day was something called "mod" and it seemed like not much time had past when I was standing in the front of the Grosse Pointe CRC in a green bell bottom tux and watching a beautiful girl and her dad walking down the left hand isle of that church.  A trumpet was playing, an organ was blaring, my dad was standing there waiting to do the ceremony.  In a short time I was reciting the vows I had rehearsed for two weeks.  I kind of remember feeling a little like a leprechaun standing there in in that tux but that was the fashion of that day.  I do recall saying these words along with some others. " In sickness and in health, till death do us part."  All humor aside, and even though at that time I did not know the full meaning or the implications of those words I will tell you from my heart that I have lived them and take them seriously to this very day.   And that is the way it will be.

A short blur of reception at the "War Memorial"  a cake smeared kiss, a party at the house and a few gallons of gas soon found us going down the I-94 and headed to Chicago for a quick one night trip to a business convention to be held at McCormick Place.  I had booked a room at the Continental Plaza (now the Westin) and paid cash $60 bucks for the room. Now a pittance, then a fortune.   Deb and I went and looked at a few of the machines at the convention but we soon found ourselves at the Cape Cod Room at the Drake.  We both canned down a couple of "milkshakes" and she held my hand walking out of the place and we walked down Michigan Ave holding hands.   That night we went to kind of neat place.  It was  called, "Ron of Japans." This was one of these places that had a guy cooking right in front of you.  It also had 6 people sitting with us that we did not know.  We had a big shot sitting next to us.  He found out we were just married and bought our meal.  He was so proud of his kid who was sitting next to him.  After a rather large build up he did for his kid, (I thought he must be president of a bank or something) I asked the kid what he liked to do. I will never forget this answer. He said he liked to read comic books.  Now the only lesson I think we took from this is that no matter how important the guy next to you seems he just may be on the level of everyone else.  I asked if he liked Spiderman or Superman.  He said he was really in to the Green Hornet.  I asked him if he knew the song "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog."  Yep, for sure it was one of his favorites.

I will spare you the good stuff.  But for $60 I thought we also might make some good use of the room.  We ordered breakfast in bed the next morning.  They served it under some really nice silver stuff.  We checked out of the joint and were soon on our way to the Magic Kingdom.  Took about a day or two in the car but who cared.  I was with the person I loved and we were on our way to Florida.  It was February 10, 1975.  We had a radio that worked, a wedding we will never forget, a dinner at Ron of Japans and a fun conversation with a guy that really liked comic books.  Could life get any better?  It did.......and the next time I will tell you about it...............

Stan the Man

Angels and Bullfrogs

As our dating career progressed I can recall a number of memorable events.  I had decided to take a year off from my job in Lansing and attend Calvin College. I am not sure why I did this. I know that Deb was going to attend there and it was hard for me to think about her wandering around that place for a year with about 1500 other guys. Plus I was kind of bored by the business world.  I worked at a place by the name of AIS Construction Equipment and I do remember thinking about if I wanted to spend the rest of my life around stuff that did little more than dig holes in the dirt. Many of my friends had also gone on to college, I wanted to play on a golf team and I was ready for a new experience.

To this point I had lived at home. I had a little money saved and I can recall being proud that on the first day I paid cash for a one year stint at Calvin.  It was about $3,300 dollars at that time. I was also ready to move away from home.  Not that home was all that bad, but it just seemed like time.  Being a member of a CRC church, of which my father was the pastor, I felt some obligation to attend with them and I  at that time they had morning and night services.  I think I remember being at most all of these.  I moved into a dorm room at Calvin.  My roommate was a guy from California by the name of Clarence.  He was one of the finer looking male members of the species  and I do remember girls on the campus coming up to me to see if he "was taken."  This was always a bit of an insult to me. I felt like chopped liver every time anyone would ask me about this. 

I was looking forward so much to that first Sunday and one thing that was going to happen is that I was not going to church.  Clarence played the guitar and he was going to play it at the morning service. At that time white clothes, white belts and white shoes were in fashion.  I might have had a few beers the night before, I am not sure. As the sun was beaming through dorm window I opened my eyes and all I could see was a tall blond guy in the sunlight, standing in the room with all white clothes strumming on a guitar.  I remember thinking " I miss church one time, I die, but at least I get an angel in the room strumming a guitar. At least I made it to heaven."

After a few groggy moments I figured  out the situation.  I have never really liked beer all that much since.  Things did go forward however and around October I decided it might be time to think about asking Deb if she might chose to become married.  Now I think proposals have the potential to be memorable events.  I also think that the majority of them are somehow driven by TV.  But  they have a chance to be much less dramatic when you have already had a discussion on what you might like to name your children. For us that was the situation.  So we sat on a field by a soccer post, with the stars shining above, and I offered what I think now to be a rather feeble proposal. Blaring out of one of the dorm rooms was "Jeremiah is a Bullfrog."  I thought there was some justice in this.  The song that I had not been able to figure out some 4 years past and  the one I remember from the day I met her, was the same one I would  propose to.   Ever since, I have admired the guys that fly in with a parachute, put the ring on a flower or do something more than what I did.  But that is just the way it was.  I did however have the knowledge that it might be smart to have Deb help me pick out a ring and she did seem rather pleased with this.  (She can be a touch particular)

There was a guy  near Calvin College that had a small company named the Calvin Diamond Company.  The next night we found ourselves sitting at his kitchen table. He pulled out a cloth sack and spilled on to the table about 100 diamonds.  I remember his name was Cornelius Kikkert.  He was nice guy and he knew Calvin kids did not have a lot of money.  He sold us a diamond and showed us some pictures of some rings. A couple of days later we went over there and picked up the ring.  I have never been sure why diamonds are important to most women but for any reader of this I might just tell you now that they are.  Some day I will understand.

I was maybe about 22 years old at the time and I think Deb was 19.  When you are that age you think you know, but you don't.  You do not know the things that are coming up for you. You do not know what it is like to take on a full time roommate. You do not know how together you will handle the challenges of life.You do not know all that much about each other.  All you do know is that life is going to change in a short time for the both of you and you live with the hope that life will be good when it is shared.

For us this has worked out  well. A few bumps along the road but in the big picture a life that has been shared and lived together in love.  One thing that has always bugged Deb, is that she thinks that most married couples sleep on the same side of the bed for a life.  In other words one on the right and one on the left, not actually on the same side.   I have always kind of liked the rotation method.  So we switch every two months or so.  I am looking for one reader who thinks the same way so Deb does not think I am a touch weird. 

The morning after the proposal I met her for breakfast.  She told to not expect getting up this early to be a pattern.  I often wonder if a more dramatic proposal could have changed this. I think I know the answer.

I have a wedding to tell you about next.....and maybe a honeymoon story or two.....rated G by the way so don't get all that excited...Still good though!!!!

Stan the Man

A one way Conversation with Feeling

In recalling some of the stories relating to our work with resettling Vietnamese families my mind brings me back to many more events from this chapter of our lives. This one will be the last I use for this blog but perhaps for memory sake I might write a few more of them down.  In recalling some of these events I think a few others may have some value in the future for all who were involved.

I recently became interested in knowing something about the ideas of the major religions of the world.  This interest was spurred by watching the news and not understanding very well world events. So I thought I should maybe know something about what stands behind some of the problems we now experience in our world.  I bought a book that told a lot about 8 major religions.  I was primarily interested in how some of the religions could generate a militant dimension that today impacts all of us.  As I read the book it was also striking that of the 8 major religions, only two, those being Christianity and Islam, have as one of their motivating factors, the idea of salvation.  It is interesting to me that many of the problems and threats we now experience come out of different sects of these two faiths. 

As it applies to our work with resettlement I was never able to determine or understand where these families stood religiously.  There was an idea going around at that time that since the church was involved in the resettlement there might be chances to have the families adopt the Christian faith.  So picking up the families we had worked with and taking them to church was part of the picture.  It is hard for me now to think about this. One morning I looked over at one of the families, none who knew English, listening to a sermon about grace and trying to sing “Standing on the Promises”.  All I could do is feel a little sorry for them.  Perhaps the only value that came out of this was more experience and exposure to the English language and some nice friendships with the people at River Terrace.  River Terrace was a progressive church and eventually relaxed this pressure and did the work from the perspective of Christian compassion rather than gaining souls for Jesus. One other value was that I let Mu do the driving after we would pick him up for church.  I think he had not driven a car before.  Deb warned me many times about breaking the law but I knew he would not pass his driving test without some time behind the wheel.  I figured if we died in this venture at least God would save me.  Plus, I did not want to be driving him around forever. He passed his drivers test on the first try.  Somebody from the church gave him a used Grand Prix.  A couple of weeks later I was helping him change the heater core in this thing.  I have not worried about salvation much since, except that the language that the heater core had to hear might have been a little over the top. (located under the glove box in older Pontiacs.)

One of the nice things about most oriental cultures is that tremendous respect is given to people who are older.   In one of the families was a Grandmother who had come over to the USA with them.  Many of the families we worked with had her offspring or were related to her in some way. She was kind of the matriarch of the family and was very honored by them.  I could tell she was getting feebler as time past.  I think she was about 85 years old.  I received a call one night that she had passed away and the family asked that I visit the funeral home the following night.  Deb had to work that night so I entered one of the rooms at Gorsline Runcimon funeral home alone. I was struck by the sight.  About 35 people were gathered, kneeling on the floor, heads bowed, all with black hair ranging in age from 5 years old to about 50.  The Grandmothers body was in a nice casket in the front of the room.  There was the audible sound of weeping in the room that went on the entire time I was there.  One by one everyone in the room would stand up and go about one foot away from the casket. They would engage in about a 5 minute conversation with the Grandmother.  I could not be sure what they were saying because of the language.  I must say that the conversations had somewhat of a one sided dimension to them, but they were nonetheless delivered with great emotion and love.

Eventually one of the adults came to the back of room where I was standing and told me it was my turn.  I went to the front took my place and the best I can recall I said something like this.  “You are obviously loved in a way I have not before witnessed. Your family is safe and you have been able to see their life in this new land.  In whatever you have faced in your life you can rest with the satisfaction that the honor you now take with you is an honor reserved for a very few. May the God I know take your soul to a place of greatness that none of us will ever be able describe.” 

Then Mu came and asked me to do a prayer. I said I was never sure he believed in something like this.  Mu told me that he did not want to take any chances. He said “just in case you guys are right I figure there is nothing to lose.”  I stood in the front of the room and put my hand on the casket.  I prayed that Gods blessing be with all in the room and that we all be honored and respected on some day in the future in the same way that their Grandmother was now being honored.  I forgot the rest but I did the best I could.

You know I think that God’s blessing has been with them.  And I sense that even though they never learned “Standing on the Promises” and did not know much about “Grace” that the infinite power of God will provide for them in a way that is beyond our human understanding.  It was on this night that I broadened my perspective on how I thought about God. I was not sure how He would do it but to this day I think He will provide in special ways for a broad spectrum of people.  I live with the hope that I am right about this.

In a few days I want to tell you about my proposal to Deb. Just glad my parachute opened…….

A Rose by any other Name

I have never been able to get in to Shakespeare.  I do recall one little line.  “Does not a rose by any other name smell as sweet.”  I have spent a little time noticing that for all intents and purposes my name, Stanley, has pretty much been retired.  For some reason for the past 30-40 years when any TV show writer wanted to depict a character that was not all that smart or just a little strange they would name that guy Stanley.  Even when I lived in the Netherlands the teachers changed my name to Serge.  So they must have suspected something about the name as well.

Even with all of this, I kind of like my name.  There was a baseball player years ago by the name of Stan Musial and he was known as Stan the Man.  For some reason some of my friends started calling me Stan the Man Unusual. Never really figured this out but maybe it applies. You be the judge.  The trucking community calls a name a “handle.”  I do know a few people who have had to wear a handle that might have had even more burden.  We had one of the nicer girls in my High School with the name of Sharon Titsworth.   It was always an interesting moment when the role was called in the morning.   I can recall some of the boys always making a big deal of this.  Fortunately she was quite a confident person and I might add wore the name quite well.

Speaking of interesting names, some of the Vietnamese families we assisted in the resettlement days had some names that were worthy of some note.  Mu, Man, Phang, Nam and Phouc were the first names of the men of the families.  A man by the name of Jim VanderGalien and I, somehow were involved in helping find employment for these guys.  Knowing how people in factories could sometimes react to things I became concerned.  (Factories were the chosen course of potential employment due to the language barriers.)  I was worried that there would be some teasing and jokes about these names and I was particularly concerned about the name Phouc. (pronounced Fook but with a noticeable leaning to more of a U sound in their dialect.)

So I suggested to him that perhaps it might be better to take on an American name for a work name and then retain his name for use with the others of his culture who already resided here.  (Deb had warned me to not get involved in this.) What ensued is one of the more convoluted conversations I have ever been engaged in.  With the language issues that existed I was just not able to get my point across.  After several attempts he asked me to draw a picture of what I was talking about.  At that point I decided to just give up and let things stand as they were.  In a few years he adopted the name of Mike and today resides in California with his family.

When Phouc got his first job I received a call from the owner of that plant asking if I knew any more like him. He was an amazing man and over the years has owned businesses, owns his own home, has educated his whole family and runs one of the neatest homes I have ever seen.  One of his two children, a 1^st grader by the name of Vin broke her arm the first day she was in school.  Deb felt so sorry for her.  She was climbing on one of the pieces of outside gym stuff and slipped.  It was lucky to have Deb around as she knew exactly what to do as she did on many more occasions with these families. I have one more amazing story about their family. Let me tell it.

When he got off of the airplane he only had 2 of his 5 children with him.  Due to immigration issues 3 children and his wife were detained in Vietnam.  For 8 years he carefully did the work, made the money, and filled out the paperwork needed to bring the remainder of his family to this country.  He and all the others we helped had a deep love for family.  I will never forget Deb and I and others standing in the GR airport at the end of the airplane shoot (pre 9-11) and seeing this family being reunited after 8 years.

We have enjoyed many meals with him, attended his children’s weddings, and received a couple of platters of egg rolls from him every Thanksgiving.  You can call a rose anything you want but you will not be able to remove the beauty.  One more story the next time on our work in this era.  Am I allowed to say, is a good one!.

Stan the Man