Ranges and Changes

I feel like writing tonight. What is going to happen here is that some of you who read this are going to say "boy, I feel sorry for that Deb Hoksbergen she married a strange dude". Others are going to say "must be interesting to be hooked up with a guy who does not meet a very conventional profile".  Still others might say "I am not sure why I am reading this stuff but a few of the things he has written have in some way either helped or entertained me".  It is that third category of people to whom I am writing.  Gotta tell ya I am not sure why but I feel a connection with some of the readers. It goes beyond words. Somehow that make me feel good, so let me get started.

Many years ago (before children) Deb and I had an interesting thing happen.  We traveled to the State of Washington which is the home state of Deb's parents and family. It was for a reunion of many of her relatives. One of her uncles owns a large dairy farm.  I cannot tell the story without first telling you that some years before, for reasons I cannot explain, I had taken it upon myself to memorize about 40 poems. Somehow for me these poems have struck a cord in my soul and to this day fragments of them have stayed with me.   As we visited the farm I was struck with the fact that I was viewing a dimension of life that had not before been exposed to.  Deb's cousin, who owned the farm,  had a thriving business which was built around  cows that had the ability to produce large quantities of milk. As I viewed the operation I was amazed that the cows had a tag on their ear.  When they would enter the milking spot they would signal a machine that would drop the proper amount of feed into a holding tray. As the cow ate the feed she would be milked by a automated machine.  In contrast to the things we hear about modern farmers this uncle had a feel for the the animals. Having never viewed anything like this before I was amazed by it and it brought to mind a poem I had memorized some year before. Let me give you a comment on cows.

Cows
Do nothing but browse
And drowse
And now and then moo
That's all they do
Yet even  while grazing
They aren't lazing
Even while snacking
They aren't slacking
If not illustrious
They are inner industrious
Making milk with all their might
With every bite.
Cream too.
With every chew.
I'd like it fine
Could I combine
In such measure 
Business with pleasure.

I was never sure why I remembered this poem but I thought of it on the day I visited this farm. I think they are still doing good. (That is the humans.) It was a splendid operation.

On that trip something else happened,  One of Deb's other uncles owned a car business and invited us to a used car auction. What would happen here is that the used cars would come down a line at about the speed of a car wash. Various dealers would buy the cars and as I recall each used car would have about 15 second on the line to be purchased by about 40 or 50 dealers that were present.  Deb's dad saw a nice blue station wagon come down the line and asked his brother to buy the thing if he could. He could use it in his business.  As  the car was coming down the line I started to wonder about the fact that we were in Washington and how did he think it was going to get back to Michigan.  He told me that  he thought that Deb and I would maybe have a good time if we drove it home. I remember him saying that if we had never made this trip it was something he thought we should do.  The next thing I knew he had the thing bought for $4,500 and the next morning Deb and I traded in our round trip airline tickets (pre 9-11) for a trip in a station wagon across the country.  Money was not hanging around on trees at this time and I do remember calculating the miles and the cash in the pocket and thinking we could maybe make it.  We had enough to spare.  This car had an eight track tape deck and it had a tape in that was stuck. It was a Johnny Cash tape and I hate country western music. But as the trip progressed and the road got longer Deb and I found ourselves memorizing the songs on this tape.  To this day they are the only country western songs I know.

So we embarked on the journey.  I recall the first night staying in a Cascade mountain cabin and waking up in a cloud.  I recall the beauty of the drive and coming down out of the Cascades to a non-stop range of wheat fields that were being harvested by combines in rows similar to what you see on TV.  I recall a stop at the Grand Cooley Dam which is perhaps the largest man made structure that I have seen to this day.  I remember someplace along the line Deb saying "let's go down to Yellowstone".  I think we were both maybe thinking of a park that fit into the "world of normal" but as we arrived we were overwhelmed by the fact that this thing is about 100 miles by 150 miles.  We entered the park and a large elk was hanging around at the gate.  The sign read "40 miles to Old Faithful'.  We never did see Old Faithful due to the fact that we had one day to spend and elected to see some of the other things in the park.  Might I just say that I encourage those who have not been there to do so. You will be a first hand witness to a creator who spares no price in creating a beauty that goes beyond description. Several other highlights from this trip but I will save them till a later post.  Do let me say that we also enjoyed a trip through the Big Horn Mountains on the way home. The Big Horns are not talked about much but they were amazing to us.  A 5000 ft. rising out of a flat land with a large plateau of many square miles at the top.  It was my first time on an open range and the animals stood in the middle of the road as we drove by.  At one point a large steer stood in the middle of the road.  I stopped the car and yelled at the thing.  He waved his large horns and meandered on his way but seemed somewhat bothered that I had yelled at him in his home.  All in all it was a special trip.

So we had seen the ranges but how about the changes.  Well, as we traveled we had this one tape and we must have heard about 50 times Johnny Cash singing "How High's the Water Mama".  The song sings about the water rising to 2' than 3' and so on.  I think we listened to it so many times on the 5 day trip that Deb and I have never really been able to get it out of our minds. Fact is that the water is getting a little deeper around here lately.   I would say that events of late present a challenge for which we were not prepared.

I can recall very clearly the meeting when the surgeon came out and met with our family.  I can even recall the positions that everyone sat in the room.  I am here to tell you that if anyone was there that you would have left thinking that there was no way that survival would go beyond 3-4 months.  I will never forget that Deb's dad met with me shortly after that meeting and told me that he did not think it would be possible for Deb to survive till the end of the year.  From what I heard I thought the same. .

I had to go to work the next day and others helped Deb in the hospital.  I have to tell you that I am not normally all that emotional but on my way to my work the next day I had to pull off of the exit on the way.  I took the floor mat out of the back of my car and I went out about a hundred yards into a cornfield and sat down on the mat and wept and reflected on the events of the present and the potential of the future.  I recall very clearly the doctor telling me  that we had just entered a club of which nobody would ever want to be a member. It is in this respect that I want to talk about "changes".  As time has gone by we have started to understand things in terms of thinking about the disease as chronic rather than terminal.  A wise person told us that when you think about things we are all terminal. I think I have mentioned before that as time has past we are encountering more people who have survived for years. At the same time it is evident that the new normal involves a flood of medical "events" and a real change in our lives.

I want to mention one thing here.  There have been several of my friends who understand that along with the troubles that Deb now faces this whole thing has not been real easy for me.  I know a friend who owns a local car dealership and he has been consistent in inviting me to get out and do some golfing with he and friends.  I think the world of "man-dum" sometimes assumes that emotions are left to women.  I have a friend who invites me to some of the Hope basketball games.   A local banker whose wife had cancer prepared me for some of the things that were to come. A number of neighbors and friends who have been very understanding and supportive as the whole thing has unfolded. I have a true appreciation for those I have encountered who have at least asked how I am dealing with the situation.  I have found that others have encountered similar events and their concern and expressions have had high value to me.

In the previous post I told a little about the book I am reading.  The book is by C.S. Lewis and it is called "The Great Divorce",  It has nothing to do with divorce from a spouse. Instead it details a fictional bus tour exploring the worlds of heaven and hell.   On the tour Lewis observes a group of people who can gain anything they want just by wishing for it.  Then he asks the reader where they think these people reside.  I am not going to tell you his conclusions in this post but if I may I ask you to think about that.  The challenges of life are really large right now and the temptation is to wish for something else.  At the same time the richness of life right now seems high and the value of every day feels like it has new value.

Deb taught a class today for people who were expecting  new infants.  After 8 hours of teaching I picked her up and the her feet were having trouble going in front of each other. She was tired.  I read the evaluations from the class and it seemed to me that the people who took the class had been touched with lessons on having children and raising children that could only come from one of her experience and talent.  She felt it was a real accomplishment to have been able to teach the class today.  She was satisfied.  Would it not be great if we in such measure could combine our business with pleasure?

Thanks for listening...........See you in a few days.

Stan the Man