I feel like writing tonight. What is going to happen here is that some of you who read this are going to say "boy, I feel sorry for that Deb Hoksbergen she married a strange dude". Others are going to say "must be interesting to be hooked up with a guy who does not meet a very conventional profile". Still others might say "I am not sure why I am reading this stuff but a few of the things he has written have in some way either helped or entertained me". It is that third category of people to whom I am writing. Gotta tell ya I am not sure why but I feel a connection with some of the readers. It goes beyond words. Somehow that make me feel good, so let me get started.
Many years ago (before children) Deb and I had an interesting thing happen. We traveled to the State of Washington which is the home state of Deb's parents and family. It was for a reunion of many of her relatives. One of her uncles owns a large dairy farm. I cannot tell the story without first telling you that some years before, for reasons I cannot explain, I had taken it upon myself to memorize about 40 poems. Somehow for me these poems have struck a cord in my soul and to this day fragments of them have stayed with me. As we visited the farm I was struck with the fact that I was viewing a dimension of life that had not before been exposed to. Deb's cousin, who owned the farm, had a thriving business which was built around cows that had the ability to produce large quantities of milk. As I viewed the operation I was amazed that the cows had a tag on their ear. When they would enter the milking spot they would signal a machine that would drop the proper amount of feed into a holding tray. As the cow ate the feed she would be milked by a automated machine. In contrast to the things we hear about modern farmers this uncle had a feel for the the animals. Having never viewed anything like this before I was amazed by it and it brought to mind a poem I had memorized some year before. Let me give you a comment on cows.
Cows
Do nothing but browse
And drowse
And now and then moo
That's all they do
Yet even while grazing
They aren't lazing
Even while snacking
They aren't slacking
If not illustrious
They are inner industrious
Making milk with all their might
With every bite.
Cream too.
With every chew.
I'd like it fine
Could I combine
In such measure
Business with pleasure.
I was never sure why I remembered this poem but I thought of it on the day I visited this farm. I think they are still doing good. (That is the humans.) It was a splendid operation.
On that trip something else happened, One of Deb's other uncles owned a car business and invited us to a used car auction. What would happen here is that the used cars would come down a line at about the speed of a car wash. Various dealers would buy the cars and as I recall each used car would have about 15 second on the line to be purchased by about 40 or 50 dealers that were present. Deb's dad saw a nice blue station wagon come down the line and asked his brother to buy the thing if he could. He could use it in his business. As the car was coming down the line I started to wonder about the fact that we were in Washington and how did he think it was going to get back to Michigan. He told me that he thought that Deb and I would maybe have a good time if we drove it home. I remember him saying that if we had never made this trip it was something he thought we should do. The next thing I knew he had the thing bought for $4,500 and the next morning Deb and I traded in our round trip airline tickets (pre 9-11) for a trip in a station wagon across the country. Money was not hanging around on trees at this time and I do remember calculating the miles and the cash in the pocket and thinking we could maybe make it. We had enough to spare. This car had an eight track tape deck and it had a tape in that was stuck. It was a Johnny Cash tape and I hate country western music. But as the trip progressed and the road got longer Deb and I found ourselves memorizing the songs on this tape. To this day they are the only country western songs I know.
So we embarked on the journey. I recall the first night staying in a Cascade mountain cabin and waking up in a cloud. I recall the beauty of the drive and coming down out of the Cascades to a non-stop range of wheat fields that were being harvested by combines in rows similar to what you see on TV. I recall a stop at the Grand Cooley Dam which is perhaps the largest man made structure that I have seen to this day. I remember someplace along the line Deb saying "let's go down to Yellowstone". I think we were both maybe thinking of a park that fit into the "world of normal" but as we arrived we were overwhelmed by the fact that this thing is about 100 miles by 150 miles. We entered the park and a large elk was hanging around at the gate. The sign read "40 miles to Old Faithful'. We never did see Old Faithful due to the fact that we had one day to spend and elected to see some of the other things in the park. Might I just say that I encourage those who have not been there to do so. You will be a first hand witness to a creator who spares no price in creating a beauty that goes beyond description. Several other highlights from this trip but I will save them till a later post. Do let me say that we also enjoyed a trip through the Big Horn Mountains on the way home. The Big Horns are not talked about much but they were amazing to us. A 5000 ft. rising out of a flat land with a large plateau of many square miles at the top. It was my first time on an open range and the animals stood in the middle of the road as we drove by. At one point a large steer stood in the middle of the road. I stopped the car and yelled at the thing. He waved his large horns and meandered on his way but seemed somewhat bothered that I had yelled at him in his home. All in all it was a special trip.
So we had seen the ranges but how about the changes. Well, as we traveled we had this one tape and we must have heard about 50 times Johnny Cash singing "How High's the Water Mama". The song sings about the water rising to 2' than 3' and so on. I think we listened to it so many times on the 5 day trip that Deb and I have never really been able to get it out of our minds. Fact is that the water is getting a little deeper around here lately. I would say that events of late present a challenge for which we were not prepared.
I can recall very clearly the meeting when the surgeon came out and met with our family. I can even recall the positions that everyone sat in the room. I am here to tell you that if anyone was there that you would have left thinking that there was no way that survival would go beyond 3-4 months. I will never forget that Deb's dad met with me shortly after that meeting and told me that he did not think it would be possible for Deb to survive till the end of the year. From what I heard I thought the same. .
I had to go to work the next day and others helped Deb in the hospital. I have to tell you that I am not normally all that emotional but on my way to my work the next day I had to pull off of the exit on the way. I took the floor mat out of the back of my car and I went out about a hundred yards into a cornfield and sat down on the mat and wept and reflected on the events of the present and the potential of the future. I recall very clearly the doctor telling me that we had just entered a club of which nobody would ever want to be a member. It is in this respect that I want to talk about "changes". As time has gone by we have started to understand things in terms of thinking about the disease as chronic rather than terminal. A wise person told us that when you think about things we are all terminal. I think I have mentioned before that as time has past we are encountering more people who have survived for years. At the same time it is evident that the new normal involves a flood of medical "events" and a real change in our lives.
I want to mention one thing here. There have been several of my friends who understand that along with the troubles that Deb now faces this whole thing has not been real easy for me. I know a friend who owns a local car dealership and he has been consistent in inviting me to get out and do some golfing with he and friends. I think the world of "man-dum" sometimes assumes that emotions are left to women. I have a friend who invites me to some of the Hope basketball games. A local banker whose wife had cancer prepared me for some of the things that were to come. A number of neighbors and friends who have been very understanding and supportive as the whole thing has unfolded. I have a true appreciation for those I have encountered who have at least asked how I am dealing with the situation. I have found that others have encountered similar events and their concern and expressions have had high value to me.
In the previous post I told a little about the book I am reading. The book is by C.S. Lewis and it is called "The Great Divorce", It has nothing to do with divorce from a spouse. Instead it details a fictional bus tour exploring the worlds of heaven and hell. On the tour Lewis observes a group of people who can gain anything they want just by wishing for it. Then he asks the reader where they think these people reside. I am not going to tell you his conclusions in this post but if I may I ask you to think about that. The challenges of life are really large right now and the temptation is to wish for something else. At the same time the richness of life right now seems high and the value of every day feels like it has new value.
Deb taught a class today for people who were expecting new infants. After 8 hours of teaching I picked her up and the her feet were having trouble going in front of each other. She was tired. I read the evaluations from the class and it seemed to me that the people who took the class had been touched with lessons on having children and raising children that could only come from one of her experience and talent. She felt it was a real accomplishment to have been able to teach the class today. She was satisfied. Would it not be great if we in such measure could combine our business with pleasure?
Thanks for listening...........See you in a few days.
Stan the Man
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Starting up Again
OK, you're right, I just could not stand it. Somewhere inside is the need to do some writing. I am not sure what it is going to be about this time. Perhaps I could share some things about feelings related to all the the recent happenings with medical problems Deb faces right now. I am sure that will find its way in somewhere along the line. For now I would like to share some things that I have found interesting over the years. Deb will sometimes comment that I see things that others do not see and vice-versa. Please allow me to make comments on a few of those things. If you find them interesting enjoy the reading. If you don't, I suppose an option is to not read them. How is that for an astute observation?
Several years ago Deb and I visited a business in Naples, Florida. It was called "Best of Everything". The business did not have everything. It only sold jewelry and it had table after table of about every type of watch, bracelet, ring, necklace or anything else you could imagine to adorn either a man or a women. The store was crawling with people and the prices seemed amazingly low. It seemed like everything you would pick up you would think of someone who would look good wearing it. You would be taken back for a moment at the low price. They had people on raised platforms looking over the place to make sure stuff was not getting stolen. Many people would be at the counter buying multiple items. We even bought some things and later gave them as gifts. I think the idea was that the people who ran the store would travel outside of the country and buy handmade jewelry and bring it back here and sell it. Whatever country they bought this stuff in must have had a lot of silver because it seems like most of the things had some silver in them.
On the long drive home from Florida I started thinking a little about that store and that name. It was obvious to me that the stuff they sold was not really the best of everything. It was not even the best of anything. What it was was a group of people who had found a way to make a living by bringing in reasonably attractive items and selling them at a price that was affordable. They would display it in such a way that the atmosphere and the selection of the items kind of put you in the mood to buy something. Many of the the items were unique and the place was just plain fun and interesting.
More than the items in the store I have never been really able to get the name out of my head. What would things be like if we could really have the the "best of everything". Once in while I observe a marriage that fits into this category. We have an old guy in our church who is a very smart guy. Some years ago his wife started to show early signs of Alzheimer's disease and now she has digressed to the spot of needing full time care. She is not able to respond hardly at all. This gentleman has cared for her and brought her in a wheelchair to church every single week. He is now is his 90's. They both still live in their home and he has not shown one note of discouragement over the whole matter. I think he views the thing as part of what he signed up for many years ago when he and she were married. In that way I think maybe they have both have experienced the best of everything. Things are hard for them right now but as I reflect I might say that this marriage is one of the best I have witnessed. Just the best.
I wonder if you did have the best of everything what type of car you would drive. I always kind of wanted to crawl behind the wheel of a Rolls Royce. Always kind of pictured myself in one. I with a chauffeur cap and my wife and kids in the backseat. I nickel balanced on the hood. Once in a while my wife would send a queen like wave to people driving by admiring the car. But as time has past I seem to covet more a car that is paid for. For now I might say that if you are driving one of the paid for models you might be enjoying the best of everything. Except maybe for a paid for Rolls Royce.
We went out for our 37th anniversary on Feb 8. We went to "The Piper" here in Holland. Hard to beat that place in the food department. As I thought about the setting and consumed the food I thought for a moment about if it might be possible that at least around here I was living in a moment that might represent the best of everything. I checked that night on the percentage of people married that last to the 37 year point. A little better than I thought. About 30%. Percentages start to drop at around 40 years. I have always thought about the contrast when people get their picture in the paper from their wedding day to the 40 year anniversary. The pictures look better at 40 years than on the day they were married. Starts to decline a bit at 50 years and the theory goes out the window at 60 years. Anyway, The Piper has a nice setting on the lake and they serve the food just right. At the end the waitress came over and told us that one of our friends had arranged for us to have dessert on their tab. So we even had the chance to enjoy an extension of the night with a great choice of dessert. A fine night overall. Nice to live in a few moments that at least come close to the best.
I was thinking the other day about what happens if you are in the position of having all of the best of everything. My guess is that most times it does not change the outcome all that much. I think now of the recent death of Steve Jobs. I am reasonably certain that with his wealth and access to information he was able to research and afford the very best care available to humans as he dealt with his condition. Yet it is very true that the outcome for him did not result in continued life on this planet. Feeling helpless in the dealing with cancer makes me worry about this right now. Best plans, best brains, most money etc might all be traded for pushing a broom someplace as long as life could find a way to continue.
It seems to me that all of the political commercials right now do not fall in to the class of the best. In fact I fear they are somehow bringing out the worst. Seems to me that many of the people who strive to one day lead our country spend large amounts of money in the act of slandering the other and creating fear. Like little children in a fight they play for our votes by promising the best of everything. How could they ever deliver on those promises when their actions and adds play out to the worst fears in all of us. They use nothing more than trivial slams on each other. We have a local guy here who was in congress who played an add that not only had racial overtones but played the name of one of our senators and changed it from Stabenow to Spenditnow. Slandering a persons name is a strong form of disrespect and it is directed at a decent person. It comes from one who sometimes is invited speak in our local churches. He puts forth views that might lead one to think it is done in the name of Christianity. Time for him to get some of the "best of everything" going again. I think deep down he is a decent person who just got carried away on this one. I promise she will not do the same as they try to be elected.
I recently read a book written by C.S. Lewis. In it he has a dream and is on a bus going on a tour of heaven and hell. No conclusions in this book but some very thought provoking ideas and illustrations and characters. I think many of us who strive to reach a point where we experience the best of everything tend to have formulated thoughts about a life beyond this one that will achieve just that. But as I read further I started to think that actually ever experiencing the best of everything might be an illusive idea. But then again I wonder if we look around a little we might think that we are all living in a time and a country where the best of everything is something that has been achieved. I think many in the world might look at our homes, our cars, our food, our schools, our clothes and the rest, and say that we live in and arena that somehow represents the best of everything.
The next time you are near Naples visit the store. (Or look it up on line if you wish.) But for now think with me a moment about the times in your life that represent what for you were the moments where you felt that you were experiencing the best of everything. For all of us I speculate that those times are illusive. If we look around a little I still think we will all can experience those moments. I knew a happy person that once told me that his philosophy on life included an idea that he had adopted. He told me that what he did was "never complain and never explain". I wonder if we were able to do this we might all experience a little more of the best of everything. If you own a Rolls Royce please come over and give me a ride. For now I will just drive my paid for Ford and hope that you and I can experience more of the best of everything.
Stan the Man
Several years ago Deb and I visited a business in Naples, Florida. It was called "Best of Everything". The business did not have everything. It only sold jewelry and it had table after table of about every type of watch, bracelet, ring, necklace or anything else you could imagine to adorn either a man or a women. The store was crawling with people and the prices seemed amazingly low. It seemed like everything you would pick up you would think of someone who would look good wearing it. You would be taken back for a moment at the low price. They had people on raised platforms looking over the place to make sure stuff was not getting stolen. Many people would be at the counter buying multiple items. We even bought some things and later gave them as gifts. I think the idea was that the people who ran the store would travel outside of the country and buy handmade jewelry and bring it back here and sell it. Whatever country they bought this stuff in must have had a lot of silver because it seems like most of the things had some silver in them.
On the long drive home from Florida I started thinking a little about that store and that name. It was obvious to me that the stuff they sold was not really the best of everything. It was not even the best of anything. What it was was a group of people who had found a way to make a living by bringing in reasonably attractive items and selling them at a price that was affordable. They would display it in such a way that the atmosphere and the selection of the items kind of put you in the mood to buy something. Many of the the items were unique and the place was just plain fun and interesting.
More than the items in the store I have never been really able to get the name out of my head. What would things be like if we could really have the the "best of everything". Once in while I observe a marriage that fits into this category. We have an old guy in our church who is a very smart guy. Some years ago his wife started to show early signs of Alzheimer's disease and now she has digressed to the spot of needing full time care. She is not able to respond hardly at all. This gentleman has cared for her and brought her in a wheelchair to church every single week. He is now is his 90's. They both still live in their home and he has not shown one note of discouragement over the whole matter. I think he views the thing as part of what he signed up for many years ago when he and she were married. In that way I think maybe they have both have experienced the best of everything. Things are hard for them right now but as I reflect I might say that this marriage is one of the best I have witnessed. Just the best.
I wonder if you did have the best of everything what type of car you would drive. I always kind of wanted to crawl behind the wheel of a Rolls Royce. Always kind of pictured myself in one. I with a chauffeur cap and my wife and kids in the backseat. I nickel balanced on the hood. Once in a while my wife would send a queen like wave to people driving by admiring the car. But as time has past I seem to covet more a car that is paid for. For now I might say that if you are driving one of the paid for models you might be enjoying the best of everything. Except maybe for a paid for Rolls Royce.
We went out for our 37th anniversary on Feb 8. We went to "The Piper" here in Holland. Hard to beat that place in the food department. As I thought about the setting and consumed the food I thought for a moment about if it might be possible that at least around here I was living in a moment that might represent the best of everything. I checked that night on the percentage of people married that last to the 37 year point. A little better than I thought. About 30%. Percentages start to drop at around 40 years. I have always thought about the contrast when people get their picture in the paper from their wedding day to the 40 year anniversary. The pictures look better at 40 years than on the day they were married. Starts to decline a bit at 50 years and the theory goes out the window at 60 years. Anyway, The Piper has a nice setting on the lake and they serve the food just right. At the end the waitress came over and told us that one of our friends had arranged for us to have dessert on their tab. So we even had the chance to enjoy an extension of the night with a great choice of dessert. A fine night overall. Nice to live in a few moments that at least come close to the best.
I was thinking the other day about what happens if you are in the position of having all of the best of everything. My guess is that most times it does not change the outcome all that much. I think now of the recent death of Steve Jobs. I am reasonably certain that with his wealth and access to information he was able to research and afford the very best care available to humans as he dealt with his condition. Yet it is very true that the outcome for him did not result in continued life on this planet. Feeling helpless in the dealing with cancer makes me worry about this right now. Best plans, best brains, most money etc might all be traded for pushing a broom someplace as long as life could find a way to continue.
It seems to me that all of the political commercials right now do not fall in to the class of the best. In fact I fear they are somehow bringing out the worst. Seems to me that many of the people who strive to one day lead our country spend large amounts of money in the act of slandering the other and creating fear. Like little children in a fight they play for our votes by promising the best of everything. How could they ever deliver on those promises when their actions and adds play out to the worst fears in all of us. They use nothing more than trivial slams on each other. We have a local guy here who was in congress who played an add that not only had racial overtones but played the name of one of our senators and changed it from Stabenow to Spenditnow. Slandering a persons name is a strong form of disrespect and it is directed at a decent person. It comes from one who sometimes is invited speak in our local churches. He puts forth views that might lead one to think it is done in the name of Christianity. Time for him to get some of the "best of everything" going again. I think deep down he is a decent person who just got carried away on this one. I promise she will not do the same as they try to be elected.
I recently read a book written by C.S. Lewis. In it he has a dream and is on a bus going on a tour of heaven and hell. No conclusions in this book but some very thought provoking ideas and illustrations and characters. I think many of us who strive to reach a point where we experience the best of everything tend to have formulated thoughts about a life beyond this one that will achieve just that. But as I read further I started to think that actually ever experiencing the best of everything might be an illusive idea. But then again I wonder if we look around a little we might think that we are all living in a time and a country where the best of everything is something that has been achieved. I think many in the world might look at our homes, our cars, our food, our schools, our clothes and the rest, and say that we live in and arena that somehow represents the best of everything.
The next time you are near Naples visit the store. (Or look it up on line if you wish.) But for now think with me a moment about the times in your life that represent what for you were the moments where you felt that you were experiencing the best of everything. For all of us I speculate that those times are illusive. If we look around a little I still think we will all can experience those moments. I knew a happy person that once told me that his philosophy on life included an idea that he had adopted. He told me that what he did was "never complain and never explain". I wonder if we were able to do this we might all experience a little more of the best of everything. If you own a Rolls Royce please come over and give me a ride. For now I will just drive my paid for Ford and hope that you and I can experience more of the best of everything.
Stan the Man
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